沒有查查的日子

第 三 日

Wake up by my birthday holiday alarm.....at 5:30... however it didn't ring  on that day......What a sad  think happened.....so hard for me to go to sleep.. and wake up by such happy alarm but in  my situation..

Today I bit myself over 30 times... cannot recall....the exact number.. and I remember arount 12:00 pm... I just bit myself for very long cos I cannot control to send her a message....at the end it works.... went to posr office for the road tax... but ..... insurance instead....WTF.... wasted my time...  didn't eat much whole day.. cos...my body is punishing myself...i guess....

finailly got my  road tax...at almost 4:00ish went out for a drive.. car is still very good.. but almost crash due to other's careless driver...

Trying to fix my MHP2 Save today.... I suppose the cheat I did to it can  get back easily.. if I  wait and search of help..... but now... just like exactly  my situation to Char Char..... just my fault..

Been staying in my computer all day ...like the old days.. but it is different this time.. I am really doing nothing just watching her MSN to be online.. even onlie I still cannot send her message.... due to my promise... I have been typing e-mail again and again to tell her my feeling..... dont know she got it or not???

Time is so hard to kill..... so scare that monday will come and she tell me that we cannot be together....but really wish the time go faster... and waiting for the hope........ so Paradox....... I will get mad soon ......

Have a very strange frrling that there was a Ghost sleping on top of me.... cannot move.... might be I am too sad.. have some illusion.... but the feeling was so true.....however I was not scare.. because the worst thing I have created.... even Really some ghost there... who really cares...I have lost everything already... no really care if it take my  life or not....

My Best mate Karen is coming to visit me due to  she is too worry....but I promised that if any girl come to my houe on their own.. I have to imform her..... what can I do.... I cannot call her in these cooling period.....so I gave Karen her nuber and let her ask....

Really hope she understand and give me a chance and lets work out these road for our future...I just did 1 wrong things..... can I have another chance?????

沒有查查的日子

第 二 日

Feeling so bad today.... she is even worst than she were to me...I think I really hurt her some how... heart Alice's story... really cheer m up... but I guess I am not as lucky as her.  I really wish God is still standing by my side.

Talked to Gary today about my problem.  Really regret to my action.. even Gary said I am wrong to shout. Well Char Char  hope you have agreat dinner with him. and out twain trip is all gone nothing....anyway als long she will give me a chance I will do anything.

got home and washed clothes mop floor... wash dishes  done almost all the thing I promised to do before.. but will this make you to give me a chance? haha still a ver big progres..  Hope you get well soon

remember to see doctor ar

 i  just know that if some one around me... I would not shout......

God Please help me

Ting

沒有查查的日子

第 一 日

Today Char char resigned... Ceci ask me to try to get her back.... well the reason she left is me..how come she will turn back because of my word?

Wednesday night we went to see the Magic Moments......well it really creatted the 1 magic moments only...the reallyfirst and first time I really feel that I am so lucky to have her be with me.

At Lunch time.. we have  our lunch together, she cryed again.... her parent want her to leave me because i have shoutted at her and believe that I will not able to control my temper at will shoutted and hurt at her again... but in fact I will never hurt some one I love... from the bottom of my heart.  I was so flatted.  she request to have some time to cool down... but so unlucky I never know the rule of this cool down period. I just try to avoid to take about our stuff?

Cannot work all day waiting for every second to go past , wait for a chance (time for her to take medic) to call her and remind her.  but she really seem giving up on e... what can I do???

After work.. went to MK and wondering around.. go to the place that I have been with her try to feel her around me...but however.... she was in a lecture.....even she is free... will she be around?  walking like a zombie over MK... went to the place I last have dinner with her.. but the Fish ball rice noodle teast very awful....why... because she is not there? I found a little Scramp as I think it is like me.. mouth is stitched up.. so that I cannot shout.

I have a very big lesson.. a big pay...of shoutting... I promise to every one who read this... and myself.. I will not shout like thsi again......I am scare too..

When I get so tired.. I start to walk back to the MK KCR station..as I walk pass I realise that is around 9:00 so I wait with hope to see whether I can see my most loved 查查.....so luckly after 4 buses gone I found her... but I have promissed the I give her time to claim down. so I left in one of the bus station.....even I dont know where I was.. but I just get off.... in our little conversation  she told me that I my personilility will not change will shout again next time... but I sware to god i will not shout like that again...on the way I get home.. I am thinking how to control my temper..as I remember there was a King or famous person.. who squess a needle bags to control his temper....as I can do simillary thing as well.. puck the hair on my arm? 

I have bought  the ticket she want to watch..多件衰鬼上帝  for sat... will she come?

will see in my next update..  Please support me if you have read this... as I am so hopeless now

Farwell Helene,see you in July

Helene finally went back to France.  I am very happy for her can carry on her study and able to see her parent again, but feeling a bit sadause she is a real good friend.  Well wish all the best in France.

I have  not been sleeping for almost 2 days..洵! really need some sleep some how?but Dragon Ball Z in Wii is too attractive? anyway will have to sleep before 12 tonight.. at least I try hahahaha

When will this bloody time goes over?

Feeling so down in these past 2 week?Since the Bloody POS incident, nothing goes well, basically everything just goes bad, and who know what is really going on? Family being attack in UK and Police aren helping?all the works I did suddenly came up a big loop holesven the one I believe can cheer me up?also?   Guess I have never feel so helpless before, no one can really help.

Well guess every one want their life want to do what ever they doannot help if they don wanna spend time with you.. People always have other more important to stay with no matter how important you think that person is in your mind.  If there is a God, it really asking me to give up.  To give up my heart of being good to other?cost I am feeling that?the better I treat others the worst they treat me?SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">  The more I help out, the more they believe my help is my duty. It happened 5 years ago?and it starts again, but every one this time.  I am feeling that my existence is seem like transparent seem like someone who always can left behind and work quietly.